Single Parenthood In Semi Rural UK, Employment, and Discrimination - A Personal View

Today I'm having a whinge, not something I usually do, but like many people, I am returning to the paid employment sector, after a long spell away "not working" because I chose to stay at home and bring up my two kids as a single parent with no support from the absent parent or family.

I admire those who do combine a working life with raising children, and I do think its a matter of personal choice and sacrifice, however, I based my decision to stay at home on the fact that we have had no support from the absent parent, his family, my family. There has been no support in general to enable me to find employment, let alone a career.

Now, don't go thinking I have sat on my butt for the last thirteen years, I have worked voluntarily for short periods of time, in various sectors or education and care, and even had a couple of temporary paid contracts. I even went back to further education for three years and got A grades all round. I have looked after children with special needs (including my own), worked with adults with learning difficulties, and spent the last two years helping to care for a friend with MS. So I have not been a "do nothing" citizen.

Despite my skills and experience, none of this seems to count on my CV, when applying for jobs with hours you can work (because you have to care for children, evenings and wekend are out of the question because there is nobody to care for them at those times), because I do not have a certificate which says I can do the job, even the menial jobs I have applied for require 3 years employment history from a recognised organisation. Unless you have a degree, many employers dont want to know, and as for working with kids, thirteen years experience as a single parent seems to count for naff all against a 19 year old with a years worth of babysitting experience because they went to college at did a course on how to look after a child. Being a parent these days, does not qulaify as as "adequate training" to work in childcare or education as a learning support assistant!

I know exactly what i am capable of, and I have an enormous wealth of skills and life experience, BUT, when it comes to filling in application forms for two bit jobs, (which look like they have been designed by someone who has no idea of how to design anything!) because I have no permanent employment history for ten years (despite having a period of 5 years working for the NHS as a Laboratory Technician) nobody is interested. Is it just me? Am I becoming paranoid that i am "MS Unemployable"? ( Well unless i DONT need paying, then I have my pick!)

I have applied for scores of available of jobs in the last two years, and while there are plenty of people who are happy for so called "unskilled" people to work for nothing, when it comes to employing a person with the skills they require, employers are stupid enough to think that because somebody has been on a course and has a piece of paper which says they can tick boxes, they employ the certificated over a person with experience. Most of the time I dont even confirmation the potential employer has received my application form. There is nothing wrong with the layout of my CV, since I have had it checked out by the very people who help you to get back to work, and have been told that is is "A OK". My application forms I have verified, just to make sure I am not doing something wrong or not selling myself on the form well enough. I have a good standard of education, experience in several fields of work.

The stumbling block is employers narrow minded view of what constitutes a good employee. Single parents work to tight deadlines, long hours, are comitted to tasks in hand, efficient with their time, money and energy, are inanely resourceful ( training from living on the pittance we get in benefits) are good troubleshooters and communicators, can run accounts and manage people, deal with stupid amounts of stress on 3 hours sleep, work even when they are sick, handle immaturity, temper tanrums and bullying with understanding, dignity and integrity, and make a decnt cup of tea! and yet we are so undervalued in the employment sector!

Employers want to take some one on already in a job, ie steal an employee, rather than give a chance to someone who has shown commitment, drive and hard work caring for others, the opportunity to work.

What does that say about the state of employers today? It says to me thatthey need a wake up call. With massive numbers of unemployed people and massive numbers of jobs not being filled, it dont take Einstein to figure out that perhaps employers are being too fussy, and are not looking closely enough at the available workforce.

We cant win!

If you are a single parent you are stuffed. Childcare in the UK is abysmal and criminally expensive. It rarely caters for high school age kids in rural and semi rural areas, and even if you can find someplace for your kids to go, most are woefully inadequate to deal with kids with special needs, that is if you can get your kids to go without them suffering taunts and bullying from kids who have no understandingof others situations.

Despite the Government pushing New Deal for Lone Parents, training for any job is pathetically inadequate without it costing you more money than you can afford to pay out. A lot of the "free courses" taken by single parents are not valued by employers, and the certificates which are gained do not seem to hold any value or make any difference in the employment market if you want part time hours to fit in with your kids. And If you have a child over 12, you cannot claim Income Support, only Jobseekers allowance, which, if you receive this benefit, you have to be available for work. So if you decide to take a training course, you still have to apply for work, and take it even if it means leaving the course your ares till on. Madness!

In the UK, we pay taxes to look after single parents and their children. When I worked I paid taxes. When I work again (given the chance!) I will pay taxes again. When my kids grow up and I am working full tim I will pay more taxes. Single parents with the care of the children are constantly vilified for choosing to care for their children for some periods while their children are vulnerable, over working continuaously. Many absent parents do not pay a penny for their children, are not supporting children physically or emotionally, and scam the sytem by long term illness, living on benefit in an effort to escape paying for their children. The state condones this behaviour by attacking the one left with the kids. The parents who are left to look after the children cannot please anybody. If we work, we abandon our children and are the cause of the "ASBO culture" because they have no supervision, if we stay at home we are sponging off the state, when we try to get employment, single parents are often overlooked or discounted because of their "unreliability". There is no provision in employment law which covers absenteeism from work to look after a sick child, and there is no provision from state childcare providers to look after your child if it is sick so you can continue to go and work the few hours you have managed to get and keep your finances on an even keel. If you are lucky enough to have friends with children or family to rally round, you are lucky, but what about the vast numbers of people in my situation who dont? Who helps them and provides support for those families? Social services are not interested unless you are beating your children to a pulp, or injecting yourself with herion, guzzling vodka like its going out of fashion, or socialising with known paedophiles.

Single parents with care of their children are in an impossible situation, and we are penalised by the government, society and employers for not putting work before the family.

CChildren are the most important members of our society. They are our adults of tomorrow. They wil be the future leaders and employers of tomorrow, so why are we teaching them that if you have children and are on your own you are villified by society?

My gripe is this. It takes TWO human beings to make a child. Why does society let the absent parent off the hook and punish the parent with care? Why is the parent with care forced to worked long hours leaving the older kids fending for themselves in a society where our kids are falling into gangs, drugs and crime?

I know that there are millions of single parents out there who would disagree with me here, by telling me how they managed to get a job, and there are millions of absent parents who will tell me that they do support their children. I respect you all, and give you a pat on the back. But I strongly suspect that there are millions more unsupported single parents struggling to bring up their children, find education/employment for them selves, and are deeply undervalued and villified for all of society's ills.

You can always judge a society on how well it supports those who need it most. I am grateful for the life I do have, I could have been born into a third world country, but i was not. I was born in the UK, I live in the UK and I am sick of the way society treats all single parents and the children of single parents as spongers and ASBO kids. I am not a cheat or a sponger, unlike the many of the elected MP's who have been caught with their fingers in the till this week, screwing the tax payer for every penny they can get, claiming "expenses" and receiving an income!!!! I have been dealt with a difficult situation and put my kids care and emotional welfare before everything, at the detriment of finding work later in life. I thought I had a full time job. I am a mother of two kids. Obviously, society has devalued that position as well.

Arrrrgh!!! Whinge over.

Now I feel a bit better.

Oh well, back to the employment section of the local rag.....